Monday, October 8, 2012

Stanky Legg

So I boarded the #15 bus downtown after work to head home, and found a seat next to this rather sullen looking young lady, who as I sat down promptly shifted slightly away from and leaned up against the window. Typical kind of response from people who think they're supposed to have two seats to themselves. So we're riding along for a little bit, and all of sudden I feel this warmth along my right leg and hip. What the hell is that? I thought, and in very short order I got my answer as I gagged from a particularly noxious stench.

Oh HELL no, I know this wench did not  just FART on me!!!

But fart on me she had, and the odor circulated quickly through that immediate area, causing riders to comment - loudly - about the smell. Folk started turning towards the direction of the funk to locate its source, which meant they were now looking in my direction.

Oh no oh no oh no, I am NOT the one! Direct your attention to the dainty little thing sitting next to me. I looked squarely at lil Miss funk bottom, who was conveniently looking out the little pretending not to feel all those eyes pointed that way...Dammit, own up to your stank! Embrace the funk! If somebody try to blame me for that stink bomb, it's gon' be some consequences and repercussions up in here!

Soon enough, the funk dissipated and everybody calmed. Lil Miss Funkbottom stopped pretending to be fascinated by whatever was outside, and was now sitting straight up and down. But then at some point, she started leaning forward and then...

Arrrrrgh, this chick done farted  AGAIN!!!

I looked over at her like with an expression I can't even visualize.  Seriously? What the hell did you eat today? Only this time she looked back and said, "Excuse me", in a voice and expression so pitiful that I couldn't even be mad at her anymore. Po' lil stink stink, you just having a rough time, huh? Well that's all right, at least you pointed your ass away from me this time...

Thankfully, by this time we were approaching my stop. I got up and did the Stanky Legg all the way off the bus...

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