Workplace Drama - "Stop the Nastiness!"

Okay, I'm going to offer up some free advice on how not to have your co-workers avoid your nasty ass:

1. Keep a toothbrush and toothpaste, or mouthwash or a supply of gum in your desk. Seriously, nobody wants you all up their face trying to hold a conversation after you've had a cold cub sub with onions, or leftover spaghetti and garlic bread, or kimchee, or chitlin' sandwich for lunch, if you haven't fixed the resulting yuck mouth first. That goes for coffee breath too...
2. Speaking of coffee: All right, I get that the bathroom is about halfway between the lunch room and your, and that with your many trips back and forth to refill, you are going to have to make a few pit stops through the course of the day, but seriously: why on earth would you bring your cup of coffee into the shithouse with you? I mean, rare is the time that I go into the men's room at work and somebody's not detonating a nuclear warhead up in that piece. Ain't no way in hell I'm going to bring something amidst all that funk that I plan on putting to my lips immediately after (or even during) my visit there. But I guess that's just me...
3. Speaking of shitting: You just finished blowing up the bathroom to Kingdom Come and back again, and you gonna stroll out of the stall with your magazine rolled up under your arm and head straight for the door??? Did you not just wipe your funky ass (I sure hope you did)? Well, wash your hands before you grab that door handle that other people have to use, you nasty SOB...
4. Lunchroom nastiness: I'm pretty sure that at some point during your childhood, your mama taught you not to talk with your mouth full. Well guess what, the statute of limitations ain't run out on your ass. Eat first, then talk. Nobody wants to see the chewed-on version of your lunch come flying at them while you tell them about some shit they didn't want to hear in the first damn place. Chew, swallow, then talk. It ain't that difficult a sequence of events to follow...
5. And while I'm at it: I swear, if you keep blowing and/or picking your nose at the lunch table, and sooner or later, somebody's going to overturn that table on you and whoop dat ass...I mean, really, do you have some kind of condition that makes your nasal passages generate mucus in the presence of other people's food? Come on, now, blowing and picking does not go well with dining amongst others...take the time to clear all that snot-boogie stuff out of your system BEFORE you come to the lunchroom. And if the need arises to do that crap while you're there, at least get up, or turn away everybody, or something...

Okay, I'm off my soapbox for now...I hope some of y'all nasty asses learned something...