Wednesday, November 9, 2011

"The Dating Game", episode 2 - "Nasty Girl"

To read episode 1, click here

    I was driving on my way home from work during a heavy downpour, and I saw a mid-to-late-20s lady standing out on a bus stop trying in vain to protect herself and her child from the wind and rain. So, good guy that I am, I pulled over and offered them a ride, which she gladly accepted. The two of us had a very nice conversation as I drove her home; it turned out that she lived in an apartment complex a couple of blocks from me. When I pulled up in front of her building, it was still raining pretty hard, so we sat and talked some more until it let up.
   Before getting out of the car, she asked me what I was doing later that night; when I said I had no plans, she said she had planned on going out, but her babysitting arrangement fell through, so she invited me to come and chill with her, maybe have a few drinks and watch some movies. Since I wasn't doing anything anyway, and we seemed to have a little chemistry between us, it was a no-brainer to accept the invitation.
   So later that night I showed up at her place, after having stopped to pick us up something to eat and drink. She opened the door to her apartment, and it was DARK inside. I mean, can't see a damned thing dark. The only light at all was coming from the TV. She invited me in and took the stuff I bought to the kitchen while I staggered like a blind man towards the direction she told me the sofa was located. I figured she was trying to create some romantic vibe, but instead, it came off as kind of spooky or creepy, for some reason.
   I found the sofa, and sat down, and she came in shortly after with our food and drinks and scooted next to me. We started watching whatever movie that was already in progress on cable, and settled in and ate and drank and enjoyed each other's company. When the movie ended, she excused herself to go and check on her son, and invited me to change the channel and find us something else to watch. I fumbled and groped around in the dark for the remote, then finally I said, "screw it", managed to find the switch to the table lamp, and turned on the lights...and then:

"Awwwww, SHIT! What the fuck???"

   There were roaches...EVERYWHERE! Not just an isolated one here and there, but these lil' bastards were scurrying all around the room! I thought I was going to puke right then and there.
   She comes rushing out to the living room to find me doing some contorted, twitching, spastic dance as I tried to figure out if anything was crawling on me. "Are you all right?" she asked.
   "Uh, you got yourself a roach problem."
   "Oh yeah, I know. I just had somebody come in and spray."

(Somebody already sprayed??? THEY ALREADY SPRAYED? Well, what the hell did it look like in here BEFORE the spraying? What are these, BEBE's roaches? -- "They don't die, they MULTIPLY!")

   Needless to say, I was out the door in very short order. I got back to my place, stripped down, threw the clothes in the washing machine, took a loooong shower, and tried to forget the image of that creepy, crawly living room scene...
Tune in again for another episode of "The Dating Game" on ANTV (Angry Nerd Television)...

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