Friday, January 20, 2012

Baltimorons, 2nd Edition

So I'm riding the bus on the way to work this morning when I (and everyone else on the bus) overheard the following exchange:

"Hey, girl, where you been?"
"Oh, hey, Auntie, I was locked up for a minute."
"What? I ain't know that, what happened?"
"Well this b____ got up in my face about some bullshit, and I ain't take my medication that day, so the voices in my head told me to slap the shit outta her..."
"Oh damn!"
"Then when I went to court, it looked like things were going alright for me, but then my voices started talking to me again right when the judge was saying some shit. So I said, 'shut the fuck up!', and the judge thought I was talking to him, and he locked me up."

(cue the muffled sounds of everyone suppressing their laughter)

"So where you going to now?"
"I gotta go back to court about some other dumb shit this other b____ got me caught up in."
"Something your voices told you to do?"

(now the laughter come out unsuppressed)

"Ah fuck you! fuck all y'all, that shit ain't funny! (pause) So where YOU going?"
"I gotta go pick up my granddaughter from Burger King."
"Burger King? What the hell she doing at Burger King?"
"My stupid ass daughter took the baby down to Burger King and left him there with her father."
"What you mean that was a dropoff spot?"
"Hell no, he was WORKING!"
"What she think he was supposed was to with her while he was working/"
"How the fuck I know? I swear, my daughter is just plain DUMB! And she wonder why she ain't been gettin' no child support. Nigga just finally got a job, and she gon' try to mess it up by dropping the baby off there and leaving to go do whatever the fuck she went to do. I swear, your cousin is STUPID HO!"
"Shit, she ain't none-a my family, I ain't claiming her (laughing)"
"Oh, please, don't be acting like your crazy ass better than nobody, with you going back to court again."

Finally, after some back and forth bickering, the bus approached the courthouse, and the pair rose to get off.

"Good luck in court."
"Yeah, thanks, lemme see what lies this ghetto b____ gonna tell. Have fun with the baby."
"Shit, wait'll I get my hands on my dumb ass daughter."

And together the pair exited the bus, the voices-hearing miscreant wearing a stocking cap, hoodie, and some raggedy jeans as she headed to court, the loving grandma wearing a parka over her pajamas as she trudged off to pick up her grandchild and save her daughter's babydaddy from further risking his new-found career...


  1. That public transportation is detrimental to your sound mind......get some headphones so you don't start hearing the voices

  2. Hey, it gives me some good material for this blog!