Monday, April 2, 2012

Baltimorons, the Carry Out Edition

Baltimore, like every city, is chock full of carry out joints where you can buy your favorite subs, chicken boxes, ethnic food, pizza, etc. As you might expect, and no doubt have experienced, these spots are hotbeds of Baltimoronic activity. Now I'm sure none of my blog followers would ever behave this way (suuuuuure, you wouldn't) - but just in case, let's talk about it:

  1. Most carry outs offer variations on pretty much the same fare. It shouldn't be that hard to figure out what you want. I mean, usually you know that you're going to that joint before you get there, and after you get there, you're probably going to be standing in line for a minute, looking at the menu posted on the wall, or that you picked up from a stack on a counter; how much time do you need to figure out what the hell you want to eat?
  2. As a special case to #1, talking on your cell to someone else about what they want, after the point at which it is your turn to order should be justifiable grounds for a group beatdown. Figure that shit out before it's your time to order...
  3. The prices of any and everything that you can buy in the carry out are clearly listed. Don't be lazy and ask how much the chicken box is when you can clearly find the answer out for yourself with a minimum of effort...
  4. If you're going to argue with your cook/cashier about the total for your order, make sure your math skills are up to par. If everyone else in the joint has listened to you arguing about your total, added the numbers up for themselves, and determined that your total is what was actually rung up, why are you still arguing about it?
  5. There ain't a carry out joint on the face of the planet that's not going to charge you extra for cheese. Seriously, get over it and pay the 30 cents...
  6. It doesn't cost any extra to be polite. Really, you're the one up in this greasy spot getting yourself some grub; how do you figure that makes you better than the people preparing it for you? And if you're a regular customer at the carry out, why would you want to keep coming back to the same place if the workers and/or food annoy you so much? Not only that, but do you really want to piss off the people responsible for fixing your order?
Just a little friendly advice for you carry out Baltimorons, from the Angry Nerd (not that my readers would need it, of course)...

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