So I was at church recently, and at some point in the service I got up to use the restroom. As I got near to the restrooms, I saw an old friend of mine that I grew up in the church with.
"Hey", she said, "Can you check on my nephew (who's about 4 or 5)? He's been in the bathroom a while now. I don't know what he's doing."
So I opened the door to the Men's Room, took a step in, and -to quote the late, great Richard Pryor - "the funk rushed out and knocked me to my knees!" Well, OK, not really, but lil' Dude was seriously lighting the bathroom up. As I looked towards the stall, I noticed that he had taken off his shoes and socks, and they were laying on the floor. I guess he plans on being here for a while.
"You okay in there?" I asked.
"Yeah. uuunnnnnhhh [bloop bloop]"
"Your auntie sent me in here to check up on you."
"uuuunnnnnhhhh [bloop bloop] I'm still doo-doo-ing! uunnnnhhh [bloop]"
"Uh, yeah, I can tell. Well, I'll let your aunt know that you're all right."
"Okay. uuunnnnnnnhhhh [bloop bloop bloop]"
So I made my way the urinal, did my business, washed up - all while lil' Dude was continuing to machine-gun pellets into the toilet (what did this kid eat?) - and started to leave when a terrifying thought hit me:
"Uh, you know how to wipe yourself, don't you?"
"Yeah. uuunnnhhh [bloop]"
Ooooh, good. 'Cuz Auntie would've had to come in here and finish that job herself...