Conversations I've Overheard, 4th Edition

So I'm walking down the street and walking alongside me was a young lady talking (loudly) on her cell phone:

"He said WHAT???"

(pause while listening)

"Oh HELL NO! Just wait 'til I catch up with him; Imma be in his butt like a colonoscopy!"

Yikes...I sure wouldn't want to be that guy...ol' gurl was about to perform that procedure with no sedation and definitely no bedside manner...

Conversations I've Overheard, 3rd Edition

This one's not really so much of a conversation as it was hearing two preschool aged kids (a girl and a boy) recite (over and over) the following:

Little Girl: "Alright, alright, alright!"
Little Boy: "You gone' learn today!"

Now if you are a fan of stand-up comedy, you may recognize what the little girl and boy were reciting as signature lines in Kevin Hart's hit comedy tour/movie, "Laugh At My Pain". And if you've actually seen the movie (and judging from how many adults I've heard spitting out the lines in question, I would say a whole lot of you have), you would realize that these might not be the appropriate lines for preschool-aged children to be loudly repeating to any and everyone that passed by them, with the mother just moseying along in complete oblivion (or as that noted statesman Mike Tyson would say, "Bolivian").

The more I crossed paths with these kids and their mother - I was shopping in Target  -and the more I heard them repeat these lines, the more pissed I became. How did they learn this stuff? I wondered. Were they sitting and watching Kevin Hart with their mother/father/grandma? Did they learn it from hearing the adults say it over and over? Surely, at that age, they couldn't have understood the context in which those lines were spoken in Kevin Hart's standup routine, whether or not they actually witnessed it, but still...

Oh well, I guess it could've been worse; at least they weren't yelling "Pineapples!"

Conversations I've Overheard, 2nd Edition

Two high school boys are having a loud gripe session about life in general, and their mothers specifically:

Boy #1: "I can't stand my mother. She get on my fuckin' nerves, always up in my business, and tryna make me do a bunch of dumb shit."

Boy #2: "I know, right? My mother the same way. I can't stand her ass sometimes."

After the two of them recited a laundry list of the usual teenaged complaints, boy #1 said, "That bitch made me so mad today, I cussed her ass the fuck out!"

Boy #2: "Damn, what she say?"

Boy #1: "She started cussing and fussing, but I just walked the fuck out, 'cause she make me wanna hit her ass sometimes! Why she think she can be telling me how to run my life?"

Boy #2: "So what you gonna do?"

Boy #1: "Ionna, I'm 'bout ta go back up in there now...I wish my father wasn't in jail, because if he was out, I wouldn't need my mother for shit!"

Boy#2: "Word..."

Why did I get the feeling he and his father were going to be reunited soon - in one way or the other?

Conversations I've Overheard, 1st Edition

So I'm on the subway, when two 20-something Black women who are apparently old firends ran into each other. During the course of hugs and laughter and reminiscing, I overheard the following exchange:

"So how about you little sister, Shaniqua? How's she doing?"
"Girl, you should see her, you wouldn't believe how grown up she is!"
"Oh yeah? I guess it really has been a long time."
"Yeah, girl, she all grown up now; she just had her first abortion."
"Oh, okay, I guess she grown for real!"

Now, I'm for women having the right to choose, but just...damn...