Kenneth Cole

   So I have a couple pairs of Kenneth Cole slacks that I recently bought, and they are some very nice slacks indeed. I love the cut and fit, the material, everything - except for one thing: what in the hell is up with these short-ass zippers??? Taking a leak shouldn't have to be a friggin' adventure,  but I swear, when I'm wearing these pants, it's like a damned fishing expedition. The shortness of the zipper makes reaching my hand inside a chore, and the fact that it ends at too high a location on the crotch means that the Angry Nerd's happier, cooler partner has to go through some unnecessary contortions just to make it to daylight. I wanna know what kind of teeny weenies was Mr. Cole designing these pants for? You better not have to pee real bad in these things, there might be some unhappy consequences...
   I had never thought about zippers much (or at all) when I purchased pants before, but you can rest assured I will be testing zipper length out from now on. The slightest bit of excessive maneuvering to reach in and free my partner means the pants go back on the rack (give us FREE!). In the meantime, I'm going to keep wearing my Kenneth Coles with pride; short zippers notwithstanding, they're nice slacks. I'll just be sure to limit my fluid intake on those days...
  

Angry Nerd's 7 Fashion Tips

1. If you have to keep adjusting your clothing, then you aren't wearing the right size...

2. Just because they make it in your size, doesn't mean you should go buy it...

3. Take an honest assessment of your body. Observe others with the same body type. If they look ridiculous wearing an outfit, it's almost certain you will too...

4. Remember your age...

5. It's called underwear for a reason...

6. Buying a "look" based on what a celebrity or TV/movie character is wearing? What are you, in high school?

7. Find yourself someone who won't be afraid to tell you when you're about to embarass  yourself by wearing something that makes you look like a damned fool...